Closings.

Today, after many months of looking, negotiation, heartache and headache, my sister and her family are going to close on their new house.

My niece is very excited to have her own room. In fact, she's invented a game called "this is my room," using curtains or chairs or whatever is available to make her own space. Only the select few are invited into her realm. It's very important to close the door/curtain/sofa cushion behind you.

I've become accustomed to my own space. Have not had a roommate since college. My residency call rooms were palaces compared to some; we had our own room and shared a bathroom with the adjacent room. Not that we had much time to sleep, but at least we could close the door and be alone if desired.

Makes sense, then, that the purchase of one's own property is called a "closing." One buys the opportunity to shut others out. One can change the locks and decide who gets a key.

Obviously, the term comes from the thought of finalizing, or "closing" the deal. It's natural to be excited for the finish. We celebrate endings, especially when they mark another beginning.

Perhaps this is why it's so important to have closure in other things: failed relationships; illness and death; everyday arguments. We need to close so that we can start again. With the start comes uncertainty. Will we be better this time? Will we succeed in our next goal? Is this the right house? Is this the right person to marry? Should I have given another chance? Will I be able to live without?

Some things are easier to close than are others. For instance, I have been trying to find closure in my last romance for about eight months now. I wonder if I can't close because I am, impractically, holding out hope that there is a chance for success. All rational evidence points to "no." This particular man has failed to follow through on anything he's promised. Yet, the moment I give myself permission to lose hope - to shut the door - he pops up again. I know my friends are frustrated with me; I frustrate myself! I want to be able to end this and thus allow myself to start something better, healthier. At the same time I am afraid to do it.

Then I think about my sister's house. It was not easy. She was in contract for another house and lost it after a series of random events. Now she has found a better one. I hope that same luck finds me.

Namaste.